


'cause i see you in the daytime (and i hear you at night)

by spacedrunk



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: F/F, Fake Dating, TLOU, The Last of Us - Freeform, holiday fic, i love these two so much please don't hurt them neil, jewish! dina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:42:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22205821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedrunk/pseuds/spacedrunk
Summary: dina wants to get jesse off her back and asks ellie to be her "date" to jackson's annual holiday party. maybe there's more to it.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 151





	1. i was housed by your warmth

**Author's Note:**

> also dina is jewish because my brain is sexy and huge and also she wears a hamsa

the holiday season in jackson was filled to the stitches with warmth. woven with a purifying sort of cold; the kind that kisses cheeks but bites skin raw in the same breath. 

in the wake of the apocalypse, christmas was smaller, as was hanukkah and kwanzaa. but the closeness was stark. like the licking heat of the firepits maria had lit every duskfall. wreathed in comfort and understanding.

sometimes joel would light the candle ellie made him their first winter in jackson and tell her about it all; the way the healthy world was torn apart by hatred.

ellie was filled to the ears in his words and absorbed them all slowly, like the trickling of sweet sap through the bark of a cracked tree.

and though her world is wrought in pain, the days ahead of her are bright and mother her tenderly. there will come a day where she will forget the ache of gunpowder and dance in her kitchen to songs in languages she does not understand. 

ellie’s lived in jackson for five years and though she doesn’t know more than twenty people, she greets every new face with a soft smile.

tonight, dina came over for joel’s famous roasted pheasant and the mead ellie had promised.

they eat, bathed in laughter and light. like they’ve never felt hunger or thirst. briefly, ellie catches her best friend’s gaze and holds it tenderly. her chest feels… different, almost raw. 

she pushes the thought aside.

dina pulls ellie into the chill of wyoming’s sleepy cold. 

joel and ellie’s porch is small and dimly lit but in the summer it’s teeming with life and company. a bench pressed against the house and the occasional bowl of food for buckley.

dina has a question in her throat but ellie has to pull it from her delicately like it’s the most fragile thing she’s touched.

“what’s on your mind,” ellie asks, her breath freezing in the space around her.

“i wanna talk to you,” dina shrugs, her shoulders shaking softly with the soreness the wind carves into her body.

ellie strips down to her henley and lets dina wear her jacket about her shoulders, dina’s arms wrapped around her own waist. she looks like royalty.

“i’m all ears,” ellie says, sitting down on the bench. 

hardly a moment passes before dina sits in her lap and laughs softly, like the feeling of velvet against the skin. her weight against ellie’s thighs is almost enough to soothe her surprise.

“i wanna ask you something,” dina admitted, wrapping her arms around ellie’s neck.

“i’m not having a threesome with you and jesse,” ellie joked, the blood in her face and chest warming around the lack of space between them.

dina rolls her eyes.

“we only dated for, like, five months. and i’m not getting back together with him,” she says indignantly, though her voice is touched by the affection in her eyes.

“then what is it?” ellie asks, quirking a brow.

“i need jesse to think we’re dating,” dina sighs and ellie notices the outline of jesse’s body coming nearer. 

the words do nothing to assuage ellie’s flowing confusion. in response, her brows furrow like joel’s -- above the scar in her nose.

“just for this next month or so,” dina explains, turning to face meet ellie’s puzzled stare, “he won’t stop begging me to come back to him and i’m tired of it.”

“i mean, i could but it seems unnecessary. i’m sure i could get joel to give him a talk about it,” ellie offers, watching jesse’s figure sink into the darkness of the dimly lit street.

“i don’t want that,” dina says, “i don’t want to make it a bigger deal than it is. i just want him to think i’m yours and leave me alone.”

*i’m yours...*

the words echo in ellie’s chest and vibrate soft. there’s that feeling again. 

“sure,” ellie caves, sighing, “you want me to tattoo your name on my ass too?”

dina snorts and punches her softly in the shoulder. 

“only if you want joel to have a heart attack,” she says, settling against ellie’s shoulder.

“right,” ellie says, “how long is this gonna go on for, anyway?”

“not long,” dina reassures her, shrugging slightly, “just for the annual christmas party and then i’ll never bother you about it again.”

*bother…*

it’s not a bother to ellie.

“okay,” she replies simply. 

//

the following night, there’s a knock at the door. ellie is home alone. joel is on patrol. 

“coming!” she shouts as she scrambles to put on a pair of pants and a shirt (even their neighbors knew all too well that when ellie was home alone, she liked to strip down to just her boxer briefs.)

ellie quickly fixes her hair in the small, cracked mirror in the hallway and jogs to the door, looking through the peephole. 

dina stands on the other side of the entrance, wrapped in a thick coat. a covered plate in her hands. ellie immediately recognized the challah cover as being the one dina told her she made with her mother. deep red pomegranates and gold cornflowers against a pale cream fabric.

ellie wasn’t too educated on jewish customs but she’d recognize challah anywhere and not just from the recipes joel had scrawled out on old looking pieces of paper. *from my grandmother*, he explained. she was the only one in the household who had grown up celebrating christmas. 

ellie was quick to open the door, pulling it into her bare foot as she did.

“fuck,” she hisses, instinctively putting her weight on the other as she winced. “what’s up?” she asks through gritted teeth.

“i figured we should practice dancing before the party,” dina huffs a small laugh before holding out the package. “i brought you some challah,” she says, knowing her mom’s honey garlic recipe is ellie’s favorite.

ellie’s interest was piqued by the notion of dancing with dina, but pushed it aside. it doesn’t mean anything.

“thanks,” ellie says genuinely, accepting the offer. “that’s a good idea, c’mon in. you know where the coats go.”

“hi would have been nice,” dina teases as she enters the small house, momentarily setting the pan on the table for their keys while she hung the coat on the rack beside the door.

“your shirt’s on backwards, by the way.”

ellie looks down and notes that she’s right. immediately, she works to fix it as the door closes behind them. 

“any dances you have in mind?” ellie asks, following dina to where she’s set down the bread on the counter in their kitchen. 

“well, you have two left feet so nothing too elaborate,” dina grinned as she lead ellie to the living room. “i was thinking we could just slow dance so it doesn’t look so awkward later on.”

“that’s fair,” ellie admitted, watching as dina crossed the room to put a record on. suddenly, the room became unbearably warm as dina padded back to where ellie was standing and placed ellie’s hands on her waist. 

dina’s arms looped about her neck as she pressed close.

slowly the music filled their space. a song by cigarettes after sex, specifically. the soft voice and deep bass contrasting and setting the mood. 

“try not to look like you’re dying,” dina joked, settling into ellie’s touch.

“will do,” ellie nodded. her voice wavered slightly, though she hoped dina didn’t hear. the warmth percolated between them, just beneath the skin.

“your hands are really warm,” dina noted, resting against ellie’s cheek, “do you have a fever?”

“no” ellie says a little too firmly, then retracts, “i- i might be coming down with something, though.”

“don’t get me sick,” dina says, though there’s no bite in her voice.

“i’ll try not to ma’am,” ellie purses her lips and nods, “but it’s kinda hard when you’re so close.”

“would you like me to stop, joel?” she teased, knowing that ellie’s manners had been heavily influenced by joel’s own overuse of the word ma’am. 

“don’t call me joel when you’re pretending you’re in a relationship with me,” ellie almost whines. 

“okay, ellie.” and her name sounds so dark in dina’s mouth. like smooth red wine in the throat. “do you want me to stop?”

dina turns to face her and tucks a strand of ellie’s hair behind her ear. here, the room becomes dina. nothing else but her. the dark maple of the floor becomes her deep brown eyes. her arms each of the four walls. and ellie has never felt more at home.

“no,” ellie admits, so softly she swore she imagined saying it.

“me either,” dina says, just as soft and her gaze drops to ellie’s lips.

*i don’t wanna sleep. i just wanna keep on loving you.*

the lyric swims through them and suddenly ellie is very aware that dina is really here. in her arms. looking at her. touching her.

distantly, she remembers the feeling in her belly that last night and before she realizes it, dina is leaning in. it feels like a dream now.

she can’t do anything but close her eyes as dina’s lips meet hers and all she can hear is the rapid beat of her heart under her ribs.

despite the haze, she has half a mind to kiss her back, if not tentatively. the hands on dina’s waist grow clammy. 

it feels like they’ve both just touched bare soil for the first time. like they’d been living in stars and they finally came home.

the kiss lasts ‘til just before the song fades out and leaves them in its wake.

for a moment all they can do is stare. 

“i’m sorry,” ellie says quickly, the insecurity in her voice stark.

“what for?”


	2. angel cum clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the night of the party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long! i was editing it but it's still kinda bad so sorry ::/
> 
> chapter title from the song angel cum clean by elvis depressedly

the day of the party comes slowly. like a child speaking in front of many people. full of embarrassment and spoken soft. between the chest and throat.

ellie knocks on dina’s door. she wore her favorite cologne - one of the ones joel had taught her to make with pine and orange and cinnamon- to see how dina would stick against her if only to smell it deeply.

the palms of her hands are damp with sweat. here several sprigs of basil tied closely sleep. she knows dina loves it.

ellie looks briefly in the small window of the door and watches as the snowflakes caught in her hair melt.

“hey, ellie,” dina grins upon opening the door, embracing her tightly and swiftly. ellie’s taken aback and awkwardly maneuvers her hands to hug her back shyly, dropping the gift in the process.

the kiss is still in the back of her head. and in the pit of her chest. though she hasn’t got enough courage to make it real with her words.

deep in the caves of her heart, she knows dina was probably just caught up in the moment… or practicing. either way. it doesn’t mean anything.

“hi! sorry about that,” she apologizes, leaning down to retrieve the present as dina giggles.

“i brought you this,” she says, smoothing down the worn cotton of her button up dress shirt beneath an offblack suit jacket as she hands it to her.

“oh you didn’t have to,” dina assures her, tenderly plucking a sprig from the bundle and tucking it into ellie’s breast pocket. a corsage.

“you look very handsome,” dina says softly, almost to herself as she focuses her attention on running her hands over ellie’s shoulders and upper chest - smoothing the fabric. 

“i wanted to look worthy of having a woman like you on my arm,” ellie says, extending her arm to dina as her words voiced a joke but dripped with sincerity. 

now, ellie sees dina clearly. she is wearing a deep black dress with wine red flowers. the long sleeves puff around dina’s figure as the slightly transparent fabric fails to hide each of dina’s birthmarks. it cuts deep down her chest, displaying the scar she has on her right breast from a childhood accident. 

she has never looked more beautiful.

“may i?” dina asks, her voice coy with a hint of earnestness.

“what kind of partner would i be if you couldn’t?” ellie grins, her ears warming when dina settles into her side and wraps around her arm. 

//

they arrive at the house where the party is and some people turn their gaze to the pair. most are in their drinks or the music. some just don’t care. jesse, however, does. there is a bitter sort of look in his eyes.

the house is small and homey (most houses in jackson are), as they enter they’re met with the scent of turkey and cinnamon and apple and frying latkes and the closeness of their people. 

joel approaches the two and hugs them warmly. “you girls look amazing,” he smiles, fixing ellie’s collar. he’s wearing his favorite kippah and it makes his eyes all the warmer. 

tonight is the fifth night of chanukah and ellie knows that tonight is her turn to light the fifth candle. she distantly feels a small happiness rising in her ears at the smile on joel’s face when she does. 

“and i hate to take her from ya,” he says to dina, “but i need her help in the kitchen.”

“oh, by all means, mr. miller,” dina smiles politely and looks between them, “i’ll steal her back from you when you two are done.”

“thanks,” he says and ushers ellie into the kitchen. over her back, ellie watches as jesse walks to where dina is and something small and black sits in the base of her belly.

“what’s up pops,” ellie asks as they reach the small kitchen.

“well, i need ya to help me fix a plate for my lady,” he says simply, handing ellie a ceramic plate (paper plates were impossible to come by after the outbreak), “but i also wanna know… is dina your partner now?”

joel had been dating annie for about two years now. she wanted to marry, he didn’t want a repeat of his first. either way marriage in the wake of the infection wasn’t the same.

ellie takes the plate from his hand and begins to serve mashed potatoes.

she sees dina across the room and can hardly stand the distance. it feels like a planet circling dina’s warmth. cursed to feel the solace but never to touch.

she gathers every scrape of this feeling and nurtures it, tends to it like it were her child. she watches it die when she sees jesse talking to dina.

“it’s a long story i promise i’ll tell you later,” she says, not meeting his gaze as she reaches for the green bean casserole, “just please don’t ask right now.”

joel hums and nods beside her as he mimics her actions on his own plate.

“i trust you,” he says it and kisses her temple. he uses the affection because he knows it will convey the sincerity in his words.

“ellie! aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” greets annie, hugging her side. ellie fumbles to wrap an arm around her and smiles.

“hey anne,” ellie returns the kindness and joel hands the curly haired woman a plate of food after they depart, “i hope joel isn’t talking your ear off about his minor league team again.”

coach miller -- that’s what his kids called him, and he was a hardass about it, too. but they all knew there was kindness under the skin.

joel rolls his eyes but his moustache curls into a smile, the lines of his eyes conveying the sentiment.

“you already know he is,” she huffs a laugh, the dimples in her cheeks carved deep against her tan skin.

“they’re good kids,” joel shrugs simply, if not a hint defensively.

“yeah, they are,” ellie agrees, nodding slightly as she finishes fixing hers and dina’s plate.

“if you’ll excuse me, i gotta tend to the missus,” she says, wearing joel’s texan accent as a joke which pulls a laugh from anne and a sort of grunt from joel.

“by all means, don’t let us stop ya,” anne says, stepping aside to let ellie by. 

she walks past them, making quick work of serving dina a glass of red wine and herself some whiskey. crossing the room to where jesse is awkwardly talking circles around the situation before him, she can’t help but feel his pain.

“hey jesse,” ellie greets (he was her friend first, after all) and hands the glass of wine to dina.

“thanks babe,” thanks dina as she kisses ellie on the cheek and takes the glass.

“hey boston,” jesse says, awash with a strange sort of grief. ellie knows it hurts. “congrats on catching this one.”

despite the biting pain all three of them knew jesse was nursing, he was a noble man and he loved them both. at the end of the day, they both loved him too, but he did odd things when he was hurt.

“yeah, what can i say,” ellie chuckles dryly, “she’s quite the charmer.”

he nods and gives a cold sort of smile. 

“if you’ll excuse me,” he says, looking to where joel is motioning for him to come over, “i think your old man needs something.”

“of course,” dina says, resting a hand on his where he was gripping his cup, “happy holidays.”

ellie saw the gesture and felt so much of each feeling, she held it in her throat and in her chest. she knew that dina was filled to the seams with kindness and that the gesture came from a place of compassion, but it still burned her with an unjustified, ugly jealousy. 

not like she’s yours, anyways. 

they both watched as jesse pursed his lips and nodded in return before walking away.

“how is he,” ellie asked, softer than she intended once he was out of earshot. 

“he’ll live,” dina sighed softly, “he’s happy for us. i knew he would be.”

while we were dating he was jealous of you,” she admitted, her cheeks dusted with a rosy red and ellie recalled the jokes jesse would fling and the water clears, “he never told me i couldn’t see you… but i sensed it.”

the information makes ellie feel just that much lighter in her too-big oxford shoes. a blush of her own floats to the surface, though she feels a sick sort of pleasure in it. 

“he had nothing to be scared about,” ellie says flatly as she hides a small smile behind her cup of whiskey, taking a sip.

“why’s that,” dina asks, taking ellie’s free hand in hers and interlacing their fingers. she leans in and rests her chin on ellie’s shoulder.

“you could have anyone you’d like,” ellie shrugs, “i’m just a girl.”

“oh ellie,” dina half sighs half chuckles into the shell of her ear, though the warmth spreads over her whole head, “i think he should be terrified.”

what does that mean?

“hey girls,” joel says in his sturdy, pine tree-tall voice of his, before he notes their close proximity, “sorry, uh… am i interrupting somethin’?”

“not at all,” dina giggles and ellie knows they can both see her blushing, “what’s up?”

“we’re about to sit down to eat, if you’d like to come join us,” he says, though his gaze is fixed on ellie. she swears she feels her heart is chipping away at the bone of her ribcage. 

“we’ll be a moment,” dina says and ellie can feel the wink from where dina has started tracing patterns into her upper chest.

“take your time,” joel nods, “i’ll save a spot for you two.”

“thank you,” dina says genuinely and turns back to ellie as joel sinks away.

“where were we?” she grins.

“what are you doing dina,” ellie asks, the honesty in her voice sharpening her tone, “no one’s watching.”

truthfully, she’s sad. sad that this is just them playing house. sad that she’ll miss dina’s warmth pressed against her in just a few hours.

dina steps back and looks at ellie. really looks at her. ellie can’t bear to look back but she knows dina’s worried.

“wha-”

“i’d like to make a toast,” starts tommy, a cup of flat white wine raised in his hand, “now, i know that’s a little tacky but i’d like you all to know somethin’ if y’all can come on over.”

he motioned for the people standing to take a seat and dina led ellie to the seats joel had saved for them beside the head of the table.

ellie pulls out a chair for dina and nods at her words of gratitude. as she sits next to her, dina puts her hand over where ellie’s is on the edge of the table.

“firstly, i wanna say thank you all for comin’ down. i know you’re all very busy people; it takes a lot to keep this little shindig of ours going…” tommy chuckles a bit and there’s scattered smiles, “but really, it means a lot.

“i know we don’t all share much more than a square few miles of soil but tonight we don’t celebrate any g-d.

“tonight’s about us.

“about the love between us all. i think we’d all be stupid to deny it. more than stupid it’d be like a body rejecting the heart.

“there’s so much more here than just people. i mean, we’re survivors, of course, but beyond that we’re souls and we need each other.

“now, i don’t wanna stand here and gush while you’re all starin’ down a plate of jackson’s finest roast so i’ll keep it short, but...

“i love you all... so dearly. this whole experience has made me a better man than i’d ever dreamed of becoming. 

“so for that… thank you.”

he raises his glass and sits down. 

there’s scattered clapping and maria kisses the line of his beard. 

they all love him too.

tonight, jackson is an encapsulating warmth, the center of which being the dinner table in tommy and maria’s home. 

they ate as if they were adrift in a sea of stars, unbothered by the pain of reality. ellie held an open palm over dina’s thigh under the table, feeling the warmth spread over her. 

slowly, they drained their cups and cleared their plates til they felt comfortably full. 

dina and ellie spend the rest of the night in each other’s clothes, if only figuratively. dina’s ribs are full of cherry wine and it shows in the way her eyes are half closed. before long ellie is practically holding her up.

“i don’t wanna go home,” dina reveals slowly, like unwrapping a gift, “my mom’d kill me if i did in this state.”

“you wanna sleep over?” ellie asks, only faintly aware of the exchange of words as her head swims in dark oak whiskey.

“yeah,” dina nods, her head bobbing a bit too enthusiastically as she wraps her arms about ellie’s neck, “but i wanna dance first.”

“can you even stand on your own two feet?” ellie’s brow quirks.

“that’s what i have my handsome butch for.”

ellie rolls her eyes.

“i’m serious,” dina pouts. 

ellie stands and extends a hand to dina, “c’mon, baby.”

the pet name slides in as she feels eyes seeping through the fabric of her rolled-up-at-the-sleeves dress shirt. as if she needed to sell the illusion with her blazer loosely hanging from dina’s shoulders.

dina rises to her feet wreathed in so much security that, for a second, ellie almost forgets she’s drunk. 

“lead the way, red,” dina says and she doesn’t exactly slur her words but the ends of them fade into each other delicately.

“yes ma’am,” ellie says, as dina steadily holds onto the arm she’d extended.

they walk to where the living room had been made clear of furniture and a soft music played through the floorboards. 

several younger couples were slowly rocking in the soft sounds of elvis and quotidian chatter. 

space is made for them and dina wraps sure but sluggish arms about ellie’s shoulders. in response, ellie feels a gooey sort of feeling rise in her throat but pushes it aside as she sets her arms on dina’s full waist. 

“does this make you uncomfortable?” dina asks, softly but full of meaning.

“is this something couples talk about?” ellie receives the question with one of her own.

“no one’s paying us any mind,” dina sighs, leaning in so that their cheeks were flush to one another.

“i don’t mind,” ellie half-lies even as her heart fitfully yells in her ribs, “i just don’t like lying to joel.”

“i know,” dina admits, “i’m sorry.

“we should have at least told joel before tonight.”

“yeah…” ellie agrees absentmindedly, her palms growing sweaty above dina’s hips.

as they dance, the room melts beneath their feet and pools in their socks.

they move in degrees and feel the warmth of the room. all those eyes, all those people, all those souls… just percolating beneath where dina and ellie are.

the silence is comfortable but ellie still finds a lump in her throat.

“why’d you kiss me?” ellie asks in what she thinks is the smallest voice she’s used since riley died.

dina seems to think it over for a moment; tasting the words in her mouth by the looks of it.

“it felt right... logical, almost,” dina says and pulls back to look at ellie. she cups her face and runs a thumb over her cheekbone - connecting the freckles.

“it’s only fair you get something out of this too,” dina says simply.

ellie doesn’t have time to think about what she means before dina is guiding her against her lips.

knowing dina is like holding a little piece of g-d between her ribs. and when their lips meet again, even in this cardboard-strength situation, she feels… *holy*. 

she doesn’t pay it any mind.

“you know i think you’re easy on the eyes but i’m getting dizzy,” dina explains as they part and she rests her head against ellie’s shoulder.

ellie stares at the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!  
> when i say elvis picture the song can't help falling in love


	3. what do you think of when you're dreaming?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bed sharing, boobs, and drunk dina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short one so i don't lose the rhythm of writing also i thought it would be nice to post since (hopefully) everyone is socially distancing themselves

joel offered to help them back home, but they’d both insisted it was no problem and made their way back to ellie and joel’s house. they all knew he was going home with annie anyways.

“here,” ellie offers, setting down a tall glass of water before dina, “don’t want you puking all over my sheets.”

dina rolls her eyes, “oh ha ha,” she quips sarcastically though she accepts the drink and chugs a little more than half before she needs to breathe.

a thick, feminine chuckle brings dina back to ellie and joel’s small kitchen.

“what?” dina asks, a little defense to her voice.

“nothing,” ellie shrugs.

“do you want something to eat? i can whip something up real quick if you want.”

“oh, i’m good,” dina says, “i think if i ate something right now i’d throw it up. thank you, though.”

ellie nods and so they sit in the quiet. let it stick to their clothes. 

“take me to bed,” dina directs her absently after a beat.

“can you walk by yourself this time?” ellie asks honestly, but her tone hints at a joke.

“would you carry me if i couldn’t?” dina asks. she already knows the answer.

“do you want me to?” ellie returns, raising a brow but she knows that dina doesn’t give up easily.

dina simply shrugs like the answer isn’t waiting on the helm of her tongue, “maybe i do.”

she stands up, using the counter to support her dizzy weight.

“it’d be nice to have my prince charming sweep me off my feet.”

“you’re unbearable,” grins ellie as she helps shift dina’s weight into her arms. 

“you’re so lucky you’re cute,” ellie continues, sighing as dina curls into her and wraps her arms around her where ellie is holding her bridal style.

dina merely hums a response against the skin where her neck meets her shoulder.

ellie can feel the alcohol like static in her jaw and a slow honey drip of delayed reaction everywhere else.

luckily, the door to her room is open just a crack and ellie presses into it as it opens further.

her room is medium-sized and lit in fresh shades by the moon just beyond the window.

as ellie walks over to set dina on her bed, she turns her bedside lamp on and immediately the room floods with warm light.

ellie makes quick work of picking up the papers strewn about her bed, but fails to collect them all as dina reads one over.

“what is this?” she asks simply, turning the page over in her blurred hands.

“tablature,” ellie answers just as simply, blushing slightly, hoping dina is too drunk to read the lyrics.

“an original ellie williams-miller, huh?” dina smiles, all teeth and cheek.

“say, who is the subject your heart aims for in these songs?”

“kat,” she lies, hoping dina will see through it.

dina’s smile falls for a moment before she catches it, “right.”

“are you not over her yet?”

“no, i am,” ellie simmers in discomfort, every drop of blood wanting to hide just how much she likes dina, “those are kinda old.”

dina nods and hands her the paper, “well, for what it’s worth… i think you were too good for her.”

“thanks,” ellie chuckles, “not like your judgement is clouded or anything.”

dina smiles and punches her softly in the arm, “i’m not drunk anymore, asshole.”

“yeah, alright,” ellie says, returning her smile.

a moment passes where they just sit in each others’ space. 

ellie could kiss dina with how beautiful she looks in the soft glow of her table lamp, wreathed in ellie’s blazer. she looks so goddamn pretty looking up at ellie through those long eyelashes of hers she has trouble thinking of anything else.

but the thought hurts. it feels like a seed in the pit of her throat, giving life against all odds and pushing against the walls of her esophagus.

her eyes harden.

“i’ll let you get some rest now,” ellie says, rubbing at her eye absentmindedly, “if you need anything, just holler.”

“you’re not gonna sleep here?” dina asks, puzzled, “there’s plenty of space for the both of us.”

“i don’t wanna be a bother,” she says, though that’s only half of it, “i can sleep in joel’s room for tonight.”

“i want you here,” dina admits softly, “it’s no bother.”

“okay,” ellie says, her tone low. 

“can i borrow some pajamas?” dina asks half-way submerged in a sheepish glaze.

“oh, yeah, of course,” ellie is quick to her dresser, tugging a loose shirt from the neatly folded pile.

“dark grey is a good color on you,” ellie says as she hands dina the old hoodie.

“glad you think so too, prince charming,” dina snorts as she sheds the blazer ellie lent her. “thanks again. and don’t think i didn’t notice that you sprayed cologne on it.”

ellie is warmed by the words. “what can i say; i like smelling good for my lady.”

the words slip out like ellie didn’t mean to say them, but she did. and her heart races tasting the words on her tongue. she distracts herself by picking through a drawer of sweatpants before setting a pair of old offblack joggers beside dina.

“definitely an upgrade from the way you smell when you come back from a patrol,” dina explores the conversation, standing and walking to where ellie is at the foot of the bed.

“unzip me?” dina asks coyly, turning her back to ellie.

“after you said i stink? i’ll pass,” ellie feigns offense and smiles.

“like a hot pile of garbage,” dina says and a smile pulls at the edges of her eyes too, “now help me, baby.”

the affection is disarming, stripping ellie of defense and leaving her raw to the feeling. she complies with dina’s directions and follows the line of the dress’ zipper to where it fades into dina’s long hair. she moves dina’s hair frontward, over her shoulder and rests her fingers on the zipper.

ellie drags the small piece of metal down, revealing the expanse of skin beneath. dina has so many little birthmarks ellie can hardly help but think they look like stars against a midnight sky. as she gazes over the revealed skin, ellie notes that dina isn’t wearing a bra. 

dina sheds the dress slowly, leaving ellie in silence behind her as she tries her best not to bore a hole into dina’s back. the dress falls to the floor and dina leans down to retrieve it. a small blush percolates beneath ellie’s cheeks as she averts her gaze. 

dina pads across the room to ellie’s dresser, setting the article of clothing across the top of it, and watches where ellie has seemed to have frozen in her spot.

“you can look at me, you know,” dina says, a smile forming in her throat.

“i don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” ellie admits, turning to look dina in the eyes as she crosses the room to stand before ellie.

“they’re just boobs, ellie,” dina snorts, taking ellie’s hands in her own. the gesture causes ellie’s heart to beat fitfully beneath her ribs; her mouth is slightly open as she focuses on dina’s lips. slowly but wreathed in security dina reaches to place them on her chest, “they’re not gonna bite you.”

“dina, you’re drunk,” ellie says firmly as she retracts before they make contact; dina’s hands fall from hers in acceptance, though she’s halfway pouting. ellie knows and has known deeply for longer than she can remember that she wants dina but not like this. not when dina is only halfway here.

ellie reaches onto the bed to retrieve the grey hoodie and pulls it over dina’s head. dina pulls her arms through the holes and scrunches her nose at ellie. 

ellie simply rolls her eyes and pulls at the strings at either side of her neck, closing the hood around dina’s face. she laughs when dina punches her in the side.

“you’re infuriating,” dina says, her brows furrowing slightly.

“have you met you?” ellie returns as she hands dina the joggers before working on unbuttoning her shirt.

“you look good in that,” dina comments, putting the sweats on, and ellie knows this tactic.

“go to sleep dina,” ellie chuckles as she shucks off the dress shirt and pulls the t-shirt over her head. she can feel dina’s gaze on her but tries not to pay it any mind. 

“i’m serious,” she says, sitting on the edge of the bed, “you clean up nicely, boston.”

“thanks,” ellie half smirks, half scoffs, stripping down to her boxer briefs and sliding into bed with dina. 

“it’s cold as hell, how can you sleep in that?” dina looks on in amazement, turning to look at ellie and propping her head under a bent elbow.

“i’m an alien,” ellie says nonchalantly, facing dina as well, “now go to bed, i don’t wanna deal with you complaining about having a headache tomorrow.”

dina makes a face at her. “i’m not tired anymore,” she says, getting under the covers as well, “i wanna keep talking to you.”

ellie sighs and turns off the lamp, “goodniiight dina.”

as the darkness washes over them, dina scoots nearer to ellie, turning so that her back is pressed flush to ellie’s front, “i want you closer.”

she knew dina was touchy, even sober but ellie didn’t expect alcohol to exacerbate it. dina moves to place a ellie’s arm on her waist and ellie feels her palms grow sweaty.“i got you,” she says, so quietly she might have imagined it.

she knows the affection doesn’t mean much to dina, but it means the world to her. the warmth of dina’s body beneath her arm is the fire she tends to and nurtures.

hardly five minutes pass before dina is sound asleep, lightly snoring. soaked in comfort where they’re touching, ellie waits for sleep to take her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading <3

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed this please tell me bc i could use the validation
> 
> +
> 
> fic title: amen by amber run  
> chapter title: shrike by hozier  
> song mentioned in the fic: keep on loving you by cigarettes after sex


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